Job’s friends were at their best when they said nothing. Then they started explaining his suffering

When Job’s three friends heard of his disaster, they came from far away to comfort him. When they saw him, they wept, tore their robes and sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. Nobody spoke a word, “for they saw that his grief was very great”.

It may be the best thing they did in the whole book of Job.

Losses and friends

Job was a righteous man who lost almost everything: his livestock, his servants, his ten children, and then his health, as painful sores covered his body. He sat in ashes, scraping his skin with a piece of broken pottery. His friends were Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite. They came with good intentions. After seven days, Job broke the silence by cursing the day he was born. Then the friends began to speak.

Their argument

Over many chapters, the friends argue that God is just, so suffering must be a punishment for sin. If Job is suffering this much, he must have done something wrong. If he repents, God will restore him. Job insists he has not sinned in a way that deserves this. He wants to take his case to God himself.

Why they were wrong

The friends’ theology sounded correct, and parts of what they said are true in other contexts. But it did not fit Job’s situation. The book tells readers from the start that Job was blameless and that his suffering was not punishment. At the end, God speaks to Eliphaz: “My wrath is kindled against thee, and against thy two friends: for ye have not spoken of me the thing that is right, as my servant Job hath.” God tells them to offer sacrifices, and Job prays for them.

Lessons for comforters

Job’s friends are a warning to anyone who visits the grieving. Presence matters more than explanations. Quick answers about why suffering happens can wound more than they heal. Their seven days of silence showed love. Their speeches showed that they needed to be right more than they needed to be kind. God did not rebuke Job for his complaints, his questions or his anger. He rebuked the friends for their neat answers. Honest lament, the book suggests, is closer to faith than tidy theology.

At funerals and hospital bedsides, many people feel they must say something. The book of Job suggests that sitting down beside the grieving, and staying quiet for a while, may be the most faithful thing to do.